Saturday, November 20, 2010

How to Piss Off Your Teachers

Everyone has had at least one annoying/frustratingly (bitchy) teacher where you just wanna piss the hell out of them, or just wanted to kill them in general. To those of you that actually want to take it a step further and try to piss them off, here are some tips for you...

1. Make really loud and awkward noises when the teacher isn't looking at you
*scenario* Teacher: -lecturing class- "And now that you know what "x" is, you plug it back into the equation..." -teacher turns around to write stuff on the board-
Teacher: -turns around and stares the class down- "...WHO WAS THAT?!"
Class: -cricket cricket-
Teacher: -eye twitches-/-rage-

Okay lets face it that actually doesn't happen in real life, but it's always fun to imagine right? :D Anyway, one thing you can actually do is make...sort of subtle noises here and there, just enough so that he/she would notice but not call you out on. Keep in mind that this will only work if you don't have a bunch of dumb nerds that are going to rat you out. (Trust me, they're so annoying you might want to strangle them instead of the teacher -.-)

2. Raise your hand at every single chance possible, but when the teacher calls on you tell him/her you forgot what you were gonna say
The key component to this strategy is to make sure you DO NOT LAUGH. Keep a perfectly straight face while answering the teacher, just so that you don't make it blatantly obvious. If you use this method to piss your teacher off, it's highly likely that he/she will keep you in after class or make you serve lunch detention or something stupid like that, so you might want to only use it once or twice max. Your teacher's look of annoyance will be well worth it anyway >:)

3. Be a smartass :)
This would probably be the reason your teacher hates you in the first place: because you're being annoying with your smart-ass comments or your smart-ass answers or your smart-ass aura. (Or all of the above). No teacher hates anything more than having a smart-ass student back talk them and make them look like a blundering idiot. A few phrases you may find useful:
-"REALLYYY?! How do you know that for sure??" (This is perfect to use when your teacher is in the middle of a lecture and sounding insanely smart when he/she actually isn't. It'll interrupt their train of thought and make them stumble, at least most of the time)
-"Uhh are you sure about that? The textbook said _____" (Use the teacher's main weapon, the textbook, against them. Claim that the book said specific information, and make your teacher flip through it frantically just to prove you're wrong...and then laugh at his or her stupidity for believing you)

4. If he/she has an accent, MOCK IT.
Yes, I know it sounds mean, yes I know it sounds like a douche thing to do, but hey...when you hate a teacher you don't even care anymore. One time I had this really fat Indian biology teacher, and me, being the jerk that I am, mocked her for it ALL THE TIME. (It was only because her accent was so heavy I couldn't even understand half the stuff she was saying in between her rants about meiosis or photosynthesis or the Krebs cycle or whatever). In particular, my friends and I thought the way she said "carbon" was HILARIOUS. It's really hard to describe, but just imagine someone yelling "carbon" (and of course you need to roll the 'r') in the heaviest Indian accent you can think of. In short, it was really funny xD Another thing that was 100x funnier is when one time, my friend was watching Family Guy and she saw someone that looked JUST LIKE my teacher. If you don't believe me...there's are picture comparing the two below heh...

The picture is a kinda hard to see but I'm sure you can still see a resemblance between then two ahaha xD

So if you follow this guide, you should be in tip-top shape for landing yourself in detention, and pissing your teacher off at the same time! It's like killing two birds with one stone...except the for the fact that the bird is your teacher. I hope you enjoyed the guide, writing it was really fun :D Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, once again please don't take any of this to heart, I pretty much did it just for the fun of it, with no harsh intentions or anything :) Thanks!



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